The Marriage Contract: Protecting My TYBs

I'm going to go ahead and issue a DISCLAIMER, right now: The following message is MY opinion. I am not here to argue. I'm just laying out my perspective on a topic and you are FREE to agree or disagree.  I will still be cool with you and I hope that you feel the same way about me. That is all. 

I feel that I have to preemptively issue such a statement before delving into this topic because ...well, people are crazy and they love to loudly (and aggressively) insist that my thoughts, which are my own, are wrong and therefore, should be changed, immediately.

However, I am a grown woman. I am a single mother ...with a "baby-daddy" and what I believe now, is directly related to my experiences, thus far.

So, just hear me out: I think we should get married and I think marriage is  smart business. 

I know, I KNOW...crazy! It's not a modern notion...it's steeped in so much patriarchy and sexism and religious oppression...yada, yada, yada,  I have heard it all before.

I want to share my business questions, list what I see as the marriage contract terms and each partners business investments. I'm simply sharing my thoughts. Feel free to comment, at the end and (politely) add your arguments "for" or "against" marriage as smart business.

Business Questions

Would you go into business with someone without a contract? because..."Who needs a piece of paper? We know what we've got between us!"

Would the bank approve a loan for you and just take your word that you'll pay them back without putting that in writing?  It's not gonna happen, right?

I would suggest that most people would call someone crazy, if  they were to  expect anything like that.

When it comes to any other business arrangement, people insist that we should  protect ourselves, our assets and our ideas---with a BINDING CONTRACT.

So, why is it so different, when it comes to marriage? When you enter into a relationship, you are agreeing  provide a  particular set of assets to the partnership: Time, Youth and Body. These are assets that I refer to as the TYBs.

The Contract Terms

This is not about love. I don't think you can contract "love," per se, so please do not misunderstand.  You CAN make an agreement to honor and respect the TYBs, though. These are things you cannot "get back" and therefore, they have an intrinsically higher value than material things--in my humble opinion.


If we are being honest, living with someone else and deciding to spend that time together in a household IS a business arrangement. It's a ROMANTIC Business arrangement. There are things that you are agreeing to do and to be. So why not sign a partnership agreement like a savvy business person?

The terms are simple: Be responsible for participating in the roles that are agreed upon for the duration of the partnership. Should the partnership dissolve, take with you the agreed upon material assets.



The Business Investments

The investments are clear: The parties agree to invest their Time, their "Youth" (relative to the start of the partnership) and their Body (by sharing it with said partner).

Adding in children, finance and extended family makes a contract even more necessary. These issues are too complicated to leave to chance.

Conclusion

I am not saying that a contract guarantees the partnership will not dissolve. Of course not. Business partnership dissolve, all the time. However, I do think that when people formally agree to certain terms and conditions, this act of  "promising" does keep their role and responsibility at the forefront of their mind. It's the best "receipt" you can get, in my opinion. So very often, people go into relationships making assumptions about who's doing what and for how long.

When you sign a contract, if you're smart, you'll read it and get an understanding about the part you and your partner each play. You feel more secure about investing your TYBs, which helps build confidence in the strength of the arrangement. Should the partnership dissolve, at least you can attempt to qualify when the breach occurred.

That's how I feel. Tell me what you think...